• Jay Logan

The upside of "failed" relationships

Updated: Nov 25, 2019



Have you had your heart broken recently? Or are you suffering as your relationship is coming to an end? If so, then this post is for you. I’d like to share with you some different thoughts about relationships that may help you find peace with what's happening.


Yes, break-ups can be tough. Nothing hurts quite like your romantic hopes and dreams crumbling around your feet. That hurt can also accompanied by a terrifying sense of emptiness that grows as you realise you are indeed alone once again. 


The fear of being alone can make us act a little crazy. It can warp the way we see reality and leave us looking back at past relationships with a strong sense of desire or resistance. Perhaps we wish we could have them back, or that we had never met them at all?


In my opinion, there is really no such thing as a failed relationship. Just one that's ended.

Relationships are somewhat destined

It’s easy to believe that a relationship shouldn’t have happened, but of course, it did. It existed due to millions or even billions of events taking place that were totally out of our control.


If you reflect on all the tiny little events that had to take place for you to even meet your partner, for both of you to be there, exactly as you were in that moment, it’s truly mind-boggling. It seems, perhaps, that it had to happen, or that it was always going to happen due to every little experience involved leading up to that moment.

Relationships = growth


Growth, activity, development and transformation appear to be the very nature of life itself. It's an automatic process going on around us all the time. Since relationships are a part of life, they too share this nature; they are also just another vehicle for growth and development. Through relationships with others, we learn about life and we are forced to see reality more clearly.


Many people seem to believe that the purpose of a relationship is to make them happy or fulfilled. But what if we considered for just a moment that they are actually about growth - spiritual growth that leads towards happiness and fulfilment?


Break-ups force you to face your demons

Sometimes we may use relationships and the company of others to cover up our issues or to fill a sense of emptiness we have inside. When we finally come to accept a relationship is over, these issues can often come to the surface. We may come to see which beliefs and behaviours caused problems, where our personal issues lie, and how we may behave differently in the future given our new perspectives. Taking time to be alone, to sit with your demons and reflect on life, can be a very uncomfortable but transformational experience.

Finding peace with being alone

When you come to terms with being alone, when you truly accept it, something amazing can happen. You may come to find a sense of satisfaction and contentedness with life just as it is. Even when you are alone. Moving through life with this sense of peace or wholeness changes the dynamic of all the relationships in your life. You still enjoy and embrace them but realise you don’t “need anyone” anymore to feel happy or content.


Should you meet someone else down the track, this would be a much healthier state to begin a new relationship from. You can now truly appreciate and enjoy time with your partner from a place of gratitude and contentment. Rather than needing your partner, you just enjoy life with them, loving and supporting them along the way.

Conclusion

In my opinion, there is really no such thing as a failed relationship. Just one that's ended. 

Throughout your life, you are going to run into certain people, and relationships may form. Some will last just a short while, others a lifetime. This is just life and it's really out of our hands.


It seems that if we can accept this we will be okay. We will come to appreciate the lessons we have learned and the ways in which each relationship helped us to grow. However, if we resist this, if we resist life and insist it "should have" or "could have" been some other way, we suffer.


In reality, every single relationship has been helping us to grow and transform into a wiser and more spiritual being. Including (and especially) the tough ones. It can really hurt sometimes, but that's where the magic happens. Relationships are forcing us to grow and growth can be very uncomfortable.


I'd also like you to remember that there are people out there who will love, accept and appreciate you just as you are. To them, you will be perfect. Their qualities will complement yours and they will tend to lift you up instead of pulling you down. Before you meet them though, you may have to go through some broken hearts and so-called "failed relationships". It's a necessary step, and that's okay.


Jay


Any comments or questions? Please post below and I'll address them in a video on YouTube! 🙏🏻


#relationships #love #spirituality #heart #broken #couples #tips #help

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