Dealing with the death of a loved one can be very challenging. There is no how to guide and we all tend to deal with things differently. Just last week, on exactly the same day I lost two people that have played large roles in my life and which I care about deeply. My Grandmother aged 90 and my life long friend Troy only in his thirties. How I felt and responded to the situation actually surprised me. I realised looking around me that many people were struggling to find peace in this situation, they were really hurting. Upon further reflection, I realised that perhaps my outlook was a little different, and perhaps this was helping me process the situation relatively comfortably. I’d like to share my realisations and viewpoints with you. I’m by no means telling you how you should behave or feel during such a situation, but I do hope that my thoughts about death can help you. I also hope that my points don’t sound too cold or logical, it's just how my brain works and how I process things.
1. I realise that cause and effect is always in action. When it's your times up your time is up. People don’t just suddenly die. There is always a series of thousands or million events and factors taking place that lead up to someone dying. It was always going to happen this way. As hard as death may be to process, some peace can come from realising that this was their unique journey, a journey that has now come to an end.
2. I realise that any pain felt in dealing with death results from my resistance to the situation. They are gone and being in denial or insisting that things should have been some other way only further aggravates my emotional turmoil. We need to accept the situation to find peace.
3. I realise how lucky I was to have these people in my life. I focus more on the great times I had with them and the powerful lessons they taught me. Yes, I will miss them dearly but I realise that they live on in my memory. They live on and became a part of me.
4. I don’t have any strong religious views, but I am certain there is more to this reality than we can see with our naked eyes. There is a beautiful order that flows through all things. I can’t be sure of what happens to someone when they die. But I speculate that while they may not wish to die, once they are dead they don’t mind. Either they live on in some sort of heavenly realm beyond life and death, or they just no longer exist consciously. In either circumstance, they don’t mind anywhere near as much as we do.
5. I am incredibly grateful for the way death can bring others together. Family, friends and even strangers come together and support one another. It's amazing to witness and something I am sure all those passed would be happy to see.
6. I see death and funerals as a celebration of life. I focus on all the good times and the things I can learn from these amazing people. When I eventually die, I really hope that those closest to me can celebrate too.
So yes, I had tears in my eyes at times over the past week. But those were mostly tears of gratitude and love. I feel for the people closest to the parted and I hope they find peace in the coming weeks, months and years